一步一步来

Okay, finally booked tix for my trip, but was horrified that there is a group briefing next week. Told the agent I have no time to go down next week... So now the next thing in line is to finish preparing for my lecture. Totally forgot I have to set questions for the lecture as well. Guess I'll just have to take things one at a time. Focus on one thing, finish it off, and then focus on the next in line. I'll be glad when next week is finally over. (>_<)

No Time!!

Argh... had to stay back to take pictures of some topical medications, and on my way back I was thinking of all the things I have to complete before July ends. There is a pharmacy congress this sat which I have to attend, then I have A&E duty on Sun, then there is the lecture for pharmacy technicians next wed, and discussion with the pre-registration pharmacist on Fri. Nxt Sat is also my friend's wedding dinner... and I still haven't gotten my shoes and accessories.

Oh and I forgot, I have to book my tix to Jap tomorrow. Then there is the catalogue of the topical medication that I have to complete preferably before my in-charge goes off for his overseas attachment. Ah sianz...

Basic Courtesy

Asked another friend to shop for shoes and accessories today. However, she wanted to go Robinsons to get some pillows with her boyfriend first so she left me to look at shoes while she went off with her boyfriend to pick up the pillows. Though she had initially assured me it is going to be quick as they already knew what items they need to get, she actually left me to shop by myself for more than an hour. Apparently after the pillows they decided they need to get some other things.

I think this is just a lack of basic courtesy on her side as we had agreed on today's agenda and she not only brought her boyfriend along, but left me to do the shopping by myself when she was suppose to help me pick out the shoes. Needless to say I ended up in the bookstore and I bought a book instead of shoes. This was not the only thing. She only informed me another friend of hers would join us for dinner when I met her today. I mean does she seriously expect me to say I mind her friend joining us? Actually after meeting the friend, I really did not mind. I just felt that she should at least informed me earlier.

Today's like so totally different from yesterday. My friend's husband laughed and said at least he did not tag along with us yesterday, and when we do shop together they do not disappear and leave me alone. Told me to be grateful that I still have considerate friends like them. :D

Of Wedding Dinners and Formal Dresses

Had to rush down to Orchard to get a formal dress to attend a friend's wedding which will be held at Fullerton Hotel. Sounds really high-class. Anyway, spent the whole of yesterday's afternoon with another friend getting the dress that cost more than a hundred bucks. *heartache* Plus I need a pair of shoes to match as well as some accesories... which I did not get yesterday as I was too tired trying on different dresses.

Irritating thing was when I returned home my mom scolded me for getting the dress and started saying stupid things like the shop is lying about the quality etc etc because I told her the shop assistant says it is best to dry clean the dress as she is not certain if the black color would run. Her idea of a good quality clothes is something that can be at least handwashed and ironed. Really wanted to ask her if she handwashed her wedding dress the last time. Frankly speaking I was very pissed off with her, especially when she started making snide comments about why my friends have to have restrictions on the dress code. (This is not the first wedding dinner I attended with a formal dress code.) What she does not understand is, even if my friend does not insist on a formal dress code, would anybody go to Fullerton Hotel to attend a dinner wearing work clothes?!

Anyway, it is not as if I am using her money. I am paying out of my own pockets and I only splurge once in a long while. All my friends can vouch for this. Sometimes I even think I brink on being miserly because the moment I have to spend more than $50 on something I'll rethink many times. Most of the time I end up not buying the item. A friend who did economics in univeristy said I am over-saving and not enjoying a suitable amount of quality living. Maybe that contributes to my frustration; to earn and yet feel guilty about spending what I deserve to spend.

Things Unplanned in Life

Met a friend on my way to work today. Had a quick chat which turned into a 诉苦 session. She recently found out she was pregnant and there were many things on her mind. There was the maternity leave issue; she is a foreigner therefore only entitled to 2 months maternity leave. This is really little compared to the 6 months maternity leave that she'll get if she's working back in her country. Then there is the long and unpredictable working hours.

Somehow all these talk brought out her fears and inadequacies that she started crying. She confessed her pregnancy is unplanned for. Her husband and her had plans to visit all parts of asia while they're working in Singapore. Now she has to store all these plans and she is reluctant to give them up just to look after a child that she does not want. The thought of not wanting the child made her feel guilty. I guess all these thoughts just kept snowballing in her that she could not take it anymore.

I have no idea how to console her. I've never had something so drastic happening in my life. Sure, I had my share of unplanned things happening to me, but most just leave me frustrated for a while. Life goes on.

Acquaintances

Saw an acquaintance at the pharmacy today. Met him at the hospital orientation program, and only bumped into him about 2 or 3 other times in the hospital before today. Still remembered us being partners in orientation and the fun of being "mysterious shoppers". However, I learned he's no longer with the institution... ever since last yr. Then I asked myself, why am I still where I am. I do not like the work I am doing yet I have stuck with it for almost 2 yrs.

On the bus trip home after work, I met an ex-nurse manager. Have not seen her for months, but she's looking good. She's happy with her current job. Compared to the last one as a nurse manager, she now works regular office hours, 5-days work week, and has a lower patient load. Life's good for her. When I think about all the stupid things I have to do, I again wonder why I am still where I am.

In Worse Condition

I had to deliver medicine to a patient's place today. He happened to be living somewhere near me, that's why I offered to deliver the medicine. The house was dark, and dusty which he explained was due to the upgrading work done by the government to his block. What made me felt for this patient was the fact that he obviously cannot see well with one of his eyes, and he had to rely on 2 little children to help him. The house was seriously in a mess, upgrading or not. Pieces of furniture were piled on top of one another, and with his limited vision, all he could do was to sit near the door to wait for me. When I counselled him on his medication, I could sense worry in him; he is worried his vision would not return. There really wasn't much that I can do except to encourage him to continue his medication.

To know that there are people living in such condition really make me feel lucky to have a dad who slog hard to make sure we don't have to worry about finances and a mom that makes sure the house is bright and tidy... that's with the exception to my room which is overflowing with books, lecture notes, journal articles, music scores etc. Maybe subconsciously that's why I stop inviting friends over. :D

Mixed Feelings

Met some of my ex-colleagues today at my friend's housewarming. I was really happy to see them, but at the same time I feel a slight detachment from them as I was no longer working in the same hospital as them.

Then there was my colleague who told me she'll be coming down to cover in my in-charge's absence. I like this colleague, but I still worry about working with her for 3 months straight as she had previously worked under my in-charge and he had his grumbles about her. What's more she is pregnant and I do worry that she'll use it as an excuse to take sick leave. I know... it's bad of me to make assumptions.

Earlier today, I heard that one of the patients had gone overseas for treatment and returned to Singapore. However, the patient's condition did not improve and the parents decided to try traditional chinese medicine. The chinese sinsei asked the patient to take highly toxic medication and now the patient is warded, very sick and in much pain. As a healthcare professional I know it is not right to give up on a patient. However, in such a case when I see the parents fighting so hard to keep their child alive, I start to wonder if the parents are doing it for the child, or are they doing it for themselves. Is it because they can't let go, so in their selfishness they persist in subjecting their child to one treatment after another? Are they forcefully holding on to the life of the child simply because a child does not know how to express the wish to not continue treatment and to just be left to die or even if the child did express the wish not to continue treatment the parents just brush it aside thinking the child doesn't know any better?

I'm Procrastinating...

I was suppose to go and look up on violin courses for adults as I had wanted to learn to enjoy another instrument other than piano, but one incident after another at work delayed me from looking up for a violin teacher for months. Yah I know, this is just an excuse. Actually I'm just too LAZY to move my butt around to look for a course or teacher. My friend has already promised to lend me her brother's violin as both of them had stopped their lessons are not playing their violins anymore. What more can I ask for... :D

Then there is the Japanese language course that I had wanted to do as I wanted to be able to enjoy the Japanese culture in it's own language. Somehow whenever I read translated works, I have the feeling that I am just looking at things through a port-hole and there are more things beyond the port-hole that I cannot understand and see because I have to rely on others to tell me what's going on the other side. (>_<)

Can't blame anybody. I am just procrastinating...

Why am I Wasting my Time...

This is not the first time I felt I am wasting my time with this job. No job satisfaction at all. Doing plenty of stupid things such as chasing after Drs for forms, chasing after patients for their medical social worker (MSW) forms, chasing after patients' companies for letters of guarantee (LOGs). Why do I have to do such stupid things. If the patients don't produce their MSW forms or LOGs then they just have to pay the full price. Simple as that. They got to learn to stop giving stupid excuses such as forgetting to bring the forms or the forms are with another department. How would I know if the patient is not a fraud. If you think I am cynical, I have plenty of reasons to be.

Take for example today, there was a patient who insisted on not paying for his medication claiming his company will pay for it and the company will fax the LOG over to the hospital. However, when I called up the company, I was told he was no longer in their employment. What was worse was he had the audacity to shout at my colleague saying she was stupid when all these while he is just a big fraud.

It is this kind of incidents that culminates me to assume that patients are frauds unless proven otherwise, and I think there are plenty of people working in healthcare who have the same mentality. Reverting back to yesterday's case, when I told my friend in another hospital about it, the first thing she asked me was whether the patient's dad lied about the subsidy given by another hospital. So much for the integrity of Singaporeans...

When You're Alone

In-charge's on mc for 2 days. Technician's on mc for 3 weeks due to operation. This is a really bad day, and I have to spend 30mins explaining to a father that his daughter doesn't get subsidy if she is not a transplant patient, but things just have to get really complicated cos another hospital has been giving the patient subsidy for the medication. Got really irritated when the wife insisted I give the subsidy when there is no way I can change the pricing on the system as it does not recognise the patient as qualifying for subsidy. Luckily the husband felt bad that I have to keep calling people up to double confirm on the charges for his daughter, but I think he's going to get hell from his wife.

Argh!! Really irritated...

Right, Just Blame Me

When people ask you to do a favour for them isn't it natural for you to do things at your own time and at your convenience? My mom wanted me to change her appointment date as she complains that she has to go to the hospital every week for 3 weeks as she has to see 3 different doctors. What I don't understand is why she did not change the date at the point when the she was given the appointment dates. She should know that 3 different dates were given to her and if she does not want to go down to the hospital on 3 different days, she should have mentioned to the clerk at the point when she was given the 3rd appointment date.

Now she wants me to change her appointment date obviously I can only do it when I am free. When she found out that I have not changed the appointment date, she became mad and said she'll do it herself if I'm not willing to do it for her. I'm working at the front line in a general hospital, I can't just walk off to the clinic to change appointment dates as and when I like it, and it does not make sense at all for me to walk to the clinic when I can just pick up the phone and make a call. Unfortunately, things have been busy at the pharmacy, and when I do have time to call, the clinic line is always engaged. Feeling really pissed off that she's not understanding at all. Can't even have peace when I return home...

A Wet Sunday

Had to do A&E duty today and did not feel like getting out of bed as it was raining heavily outside. It really is a good day to sleep in. (-_-) zZZ Even now as I am typing away, there is still a light drizzle. I hope the rain continues through the night. That way I can wake up to a cool morning the next day. Hate waking up to a cloudless, windless and sunny day as it is guaranteed to be hot and humid. Actually, I don't mind the sun that much, it is the humidity that I cannot stand.

*Yawn* Think I'll call it a night and go snooze. Such good weather should not be wasted...

Yes... Work Us to Death

Went down to dialysis centre at Thomson Road to check their emergency kit. One of the staff there told me they're working up to their neck as recently one of the staff resigned and there was no intention to hire another to replace her. According to management, the current manpower can still handle the patient load. Well, what can I say. It is the same with the my department. The big boss and the higher-ups kept piling projects on us without considering the fact that time is required to carry out these projects and we have to do that in our spare time as most of us are too busy during office hours serving patients at the front line.

We can only do so much each day. Does it not make sense to bosses that when people keep working without a proper break they arrive at work feeling tired, they lose interest in the job and start making errors?

My Boss is Going Bonkas :D

I knew my section in-charge is not as serious as he looks, but he's really getting bonkas the past few days. It started with him humming songs during work which he seldom does. A couple of days later, he started humming songs from Dae Jang Geum (aka Jewel in the Palace)... Today, he started making funny sounds, and doing funny actions. He thought nobody heard or saw him, but unfortunately everytime he does something funny I was in the vicinity. :D

Anyway, he did admit he is going crazy when I asked him why he's doing funny actions. It's good to know I'm not the only crazy person around. (^_^)

Stupid Singaporeans

This is my 3rd attempt at creating a blog today. Had too much angst and frustration earlier on. Facing too many stupid people at work today. Luckily I'm not surrounded by stupid colleagues else my day would really be gone. Nevertheless, facing stupid patients everyday at work is really trying my patience.

When you ask for home address for verification, they tell you their telephone number. When you tell them they're not allowed to purchase a certain medication as under the law a legal prescription is required for purchase, they tried showing off their skills at paraphrasing thinking somewhere along the line you'll be tricked into agreeing to sell the medication to them. When you tell them to press the green button for a queue number, they press the red triangle pointing to where the queue number is coming out from. When you tell them to leave the prescription in the tray, they walk off with the prescription then complain why they are waiting for such a long time just to get a few medicine. When you tell them to take a seat while waiting for the prescription to be processed, they stubbornly stand in front of your counter and blocking the right of way of the patient that you are serving. When you tell them the number flashing on the screen is not their number they insist it is their number eg. a couple of days back no. 13 was flashing on the screen the patient holding queue no. 14 came to the counter and insisted 14 is 13. *faint* When you tell them to take 1 tablet 2 times a day, they insist the instruction is wrong that they are suppose to take 2 tablets a day; 1 tablet 2 times a day IS 2 tablets a day. *DUH*

These are just some of the common examples of stupidity from Singaporean patients. Frankly speaking while I was still in school I never knew that there are that many stupid people in such a small country, but the stupidity of patients I serve everyday never ceases to amaze me. If you feel like defending these stupid fellow countrymen, don't do it on my blog. It is time we stop giving excuses for stupid people's stupidity.

Too Good to be True

Tired after a day of work, watching X-men 3, and scanning my computer for virus and adwares... X-men 3's good. However, I find the ending a tad too good to be true. For those who did not sit till the credits end would probably not know what I am talking about. Anyway, without that last bit after the credits, the story is still too good to be true. Some incidents are just too convenient...

Somebody must be tired of Magneto and decided it's time to finish him off by taking away his mutant powers so we can have a happy ending. On second thought, maybe this is just to balance the forces of good and evil as X-men lost their leader as well. Then there's the case whereby Rogue actually took the "vaccine" to suppress her mutant genes so that she can end up with Ice Man. *duh* Then there is the sudden tolerance between humans and mutants after the Magneto incident to the extend the president actually requested for Beast to go back to the ministry. Come the final scene, we see Magneto regaining some of his mutant powers, and after the credits, viewers are informed that Charles Xavier's mind has somehow resided in a man born without consciousness. Can't help feeling this is a way for the producers to appease the Xavier and Magneto fans. Oh well, guess we still like Xavier to run the school instead of Storm... :D

Equivalent Trade/Exchange

Was watching Hagane no Renkinjutsushi (Fullmetal Alchemist) with my brother this morning and the term "equivalent trade" was mentioned many times throughout the whole anime. Basically it means in order to obtain something you need to give something of equal value in exchange for it. That was essentially the rule in the world of alchemy, at least until the Elrich brothers' dad (Hohenheim of Light) showed up and refuted this whole equivalent trade thingie. Just as a backgroud, Hohenheim lived for approx 400 yrs, each time transfering his soul from one aged/rotting body to the next using fragments of the philospher's stone he created approx 400 yrs back. Took him this long to reach this conclusion...

I must admit I almost fell for the equivalent trade theory until Hohenheim showed up and declared there is no such thing as equivalent trade in alchemy nor in the world. For a moment I realised I live everyday without much thought. I rush to work, I rush to beat the stupid max 30 mins waiting time for each patient, I rush to meet friends for dinner else I rush home for dinner. Basically I'm beat at the end of each day, and the brain refuses to think any further. I'll just take things as presented to me except when it comes to drug information. I think the worse is I knew long ago that there is no such thing as equivalent trade yet when I stepped into the workforce and started getting drunk with routine work, I lost bits of who I was and blended in with the unthinking masses.

The Chinese have a saying: "if you lack talent, you work hard to make up for the lack of it". The concept is similar to equivalent trade. However, I've never believed that and don't think I'll ever believe that. If equivalent trade is to be true, then I would have scored A1 in my History exams, but that was not to be the case. No matter how hard I studied, the best I ever received was an A2 while some of my classmates who did not studied any harder than the previous exams managed to score A1 all the time. My comfort was that I hardly spend time studying for Math and Chemistry, but I scored A1 most of the time. :D

Just as an ending note, working hard to make up for the lack of talent is possible, except there is no rule to say those with talent are not working hard. If they work just as hard, comparatively, those with no talent will still appear to have no talent.

Quarter-Life Crisis

I'm not sure if quarter-life crisis is actually a proper term, but I'm sure most people are familiar with the term mid-life crisis. Same uncertainties with life, but at a younger age; in the mid-twenties. My secondary school friend introduced this term to me when I was pouring my woes and frustrations abt work and life in general to her. Turns out she had the same problem, and so do another 2 close friends of ours. It helps when the 4 of us get together and verbalise our frustrations.

I have my insercurities and doubts abt my job. Sure, being a healthcare professional does give me some measure of job sercurity; we're less likely to be laid in times of economic crisis/downturn, but my insecurities stemmed from an innate worry that I'll make mistakes in my course of work and affect the life of another person. In addition, I never really had much passion for my course of study since first year in university. Nevertheless, I went on to finish my course with honours and completed my internship as my parents wanted. Although I have been practising for 2 years, my passion is still as low as university days, and I do begin to wonder if I am cut out to be a pharmacist. This self-doubt is most acute when there are conferences coming up and I see my colleagues getting really excited abt attending the conferences. No conferences ever make me feel excited or grab my attention. I guess subconsciously I refuse to accept this profession.

As of now, I am still stuck in this job as I haven't the guts to quit. I pray one day I'll find my way out of this muck. (>_<)

People Definitely Misunderstood

Argh! People definitely misunderstood my relationship with my friend. Somebody told me another staff asked her if we're getting married. This is way overboard man. I really enjoyed this friendship because we have adequate respect for each other despite having different beliefs, and importantly his tolerance for my "evilness". I am, by the way, what some would call impish. Plenty of "evil" plans up there, and my friend's definitely sometimes the target of my plans. :D

I can only hope the gossip and rumors will die away. Would really feel bad if his wife caught wind such rumors and affect his marriage. (>_<)

Too Close?

Just exactly when is being close to somebody of the opposite sex too close? Was at a friend's wedding dinner today, and sitting next to a friend of the opposite sex. We had our usual friendly banter and heads coming close together occasionally to talk about things we did not want others to hear.

I personally did not have that feeling of increased palpitation or that warm and fuzzy feeling that people get when they are with somebody whom they are having an intimate relationship with. Reason why I am pondering over this matter of over-proximity is due to a comment made by my colleague sometime back. She asked why I did not consider going into a relationship with this friend as, in her opinion, we were quite compatible. At that point of time I did not give it much thought and merely told her my friend's married. As I think back now, I am seriously wondering if the 2 of us are giving others the wrong impression. Maybe we should learn to keep an appropriate distance even though we're both sure we're innocent of any extra-marital affairs...