I'm a Sucker

Decided to replay the whole of Xenosaga 3. This time in Japanese and with all the blood and gore. In addition, I prefered the Japanese voice over although I don't understand what transpired most of the time; it is much better than the English version. Almost everybody sounds perpetually pissed all the time in the English version.

Plus I've downloaded a few music scores that I want to try out. Guess won't be posting that often for the next couple of weeks. Haha... I shall continue with my decadent lifestyle.

I Need a Break

I desperately need a break from work, or maybe a break from this profession.

Leave: Have I already complained about balloting for Nov and Dec's leave? I think I had. Anyway, I was not successful in the balloting, and I was told in theory I had to forfeit my yr 2005's leave. That's in theory... but nobody's updated me on what can actually be done. It is not my fault that the department cannot give me my projected leave, so why should I have to forfeit the leave?! Anybody knows anybody in MOM and whether I can make a case out of this?

Expansion: Big boss and big big boss said we will need to budget for renovation cost. We need to expand to cope with the paperless workflow. That's all very nice to hear, but just where are we getting the space to expand? All they've demarcated for us is an area that has yet to be granted to pharmacy, and the space is pitiable. It is only enough to add in an additional PC. I cannot even expand my packing area significantly. Equipment budget is the same. Big boss kept telling the outpatient in-charge in bits and pieces what equipment we need to budget for the expansion. I mean, can he be a little more organised and let me know all the equipment I need to budget for the expansion instead of telling me one equipment at a time? Stupid thing is we were only told of the renovation a couple of weeks back and now we need to submit a budget by next week.

Off day: Was really pissed off last Saturday. Was suppose to be my off day so I slept late on Friday night. To be exact, I slept around 3AM on Sat morning. I was called at 9AM to return to work because my colleague was on MC. Had to drag my groggy self with no breakfast and hail a cab to work. Thought I would get compensation for working, but no. The outpatient in-charge did not say anything. Did not say I can claim over-time, nor did he said he would compensate by giving me another Saturday off in lieu.

Patients: I am really frustrated with the patients, or maybe I am just frustrated with doing pediatrics. Not that I do not like it, but to do pediatrics day-in-day-out in outpatient with no break is not exactly healthy; pediatrics is more stressful especially with the need to meet the 30mins waiting time. Doses in pediatrics are not that straight forward. I need to calculate the doses based on body weight, and do conversion of milligrams to millilitres. Can't exactly tell parents to give 100mg of paracetamol syrup. Most Singaporeans would be too stupid to do the calculation anyway. Heck they do not even comprehend 120mg/5ml on the label refers to the concentration and not the dose or volume the child needs to take. Usually, I would alternate with my senior, but with covers they usually hog the orthopedics counter. The only time I get to do orthopedics is when the cover goes for lunch and I have to do both counters.

We Need More Time

IT systems are not ready to support, many scenarios not accounted for, workflow not confirmed, administrative fees not confirmed, many teething issues not resolved, and we are still going to roll out the chronic disease medisave claims 2nd Oct 2006.

What is wrong with the hospital management? Have they no brains? How is the frontline staff suppose to provide seamless service to the patients if all these issues are not addressed or resolved? This will not only increase the waiting time for the patients, it is also providing additional stress onto the frontline staff as well.

Can I also ask what is wrong with the policy maker? Have they no brains too? Have they ever looked at the average bill size of a diabetic or stroke patient? Max claim of $300/year is too little. Diabetes has many complications and the bill of a diabetic patient can be quite sizeable after the consulation + blood tests + medicine. It is like telling somebody who is hungry you will provide food, but in actual fact you are only giving 2 spoonful of rice. I am not asking for large draw outs such that the patients wipe out their Medisave, but it has to be something more reasonable and pegged to the actual medical bill.

We definitely need more time to iron out the teething issues, and the policy maker should take more time to evaluate the max claim amount. I hate being in the frontline and getting scolded by patients when it is no fault of mine that things are not going smoothly just because the decision-makers are not using their brains...

Singaporeans Are Too Pampered

I am sure many have now heard of the use of Medisave to pay for outpatient services rendered for chronic diseases. What many probably do not know is the hospital can now look into your CPF account to see how much money is left for deduction. Lack of privacy aside, what I do not understand is why the higher ups have to make things so tedious for the ground staff.

I mean, why should we be responsible for checking whether the patient has enough money in their accounts? Shouldn't the patients be responsible for their own finances? If CPF cannot deduct anything from the account the patient jolly well pay up for the medical fees incurred in the hospital. If there is any dispute, the onus should be on the patient to produce evidence that they still have enough money in their accounts.

Argh! It's another sign for me to leave.

Mental Block

Realise I always have this problem when I construct my posts at night. Somehow, all the ideas and things that I want to post on my blog during the daytime will disappear when night comes. Maybe it is due to the hectic work life I am having. All the things happening at work displace my thoughts...

じんうずき (Jin Uzuki)

I've finally finished Xenosaga 3, with my bro making stupid comments along the way and asking me to use the all the 贱招 to finish up the boss fights. Actually I was wondering how come the person who wrote the official walkthrough did not think of the 贱招.

Anyway, the ending movies were sad. My fave swordsman, Jin Uzuki, died to give others a chance to live. Actually, according to the database that was updated after the movies, Jin's spirit left with Chaos and Nephilim to the "Lost Jerusalem" which to put in simpler terms his spirit is now in heaven. This is really sad. Though not a superb character when it comes to battles requiring fantastic area-of-effect skills, he is definitely the most reliable character in dealing high damage, especially in boss fights.

That aside, I think Jin deserved a better ending. Born into war, trained from young to excel with the sword so that his sword speaks for him, and having a stupid sister who did not understand that he was there for her, in the shadows protecting her; this is a character with a sad life. He lets others misunderstand him, standing by his conviction that all that matters is the fact that his sword reflects what he believes in. To let him die battling the Gnosis is an undeserving end for him. Well, that is my opinion. If Jin is a real life person, he may not think this is an undeserving end. Eternal rest can be tempting too.

Migraine

Had a terrible headache yesterday which lasted from the late afternoon right up to the point when I decided to just go sleep until the next day. Felt like something was throbbing and squeezing my head at the same time. Made me feel like vomiting... eh, I correct myself, I vomited. Felt so sick that I did not even bother to inspect the vomitus for anything unusual.

Marilyn was just commenting that it's my body telling me I need a rest, and I should probably get an MC. Well, I really wanted to, but I can't. Having a meeting with my big boss in another 1.5 hrs' time, and if I go on MC, who will be covering me? We already have 1 cover in my senior's absence, and I worry my techs would go crazy working for 2 covers.

Oh well, my head's not throbbing now, but thanks to it I had to sleep early from 22:30 all the way till this morning. Have not had 8-hrs sleep for a long long time since I started working in this hospital, and I am seriously beginning to believe I am having chronic fatigue syndrome. Despite sleeping for 8 hours I still don't feel fresh even as I am typing this now. Well, at least it was better than most days when I really do wake up feeling groggy and can doze off on the MRT standing up.

Boo Boo @ TCC

Met a friend for dinner today at CityLink Mall's TCC. When our orders were taken, the first thing the waitress said was this was her 2nd day at work so she may be a little slow. Okay, we're fine with that, everybody has to start somewhere. I ordered macaroni gratin, which my friend wanted too, so she told the waitress to make it 2. However, when the orders came, there was only one macaroni gratin. I raised an eyebrow and asked my friend why TCC did not prepare both sets at one go. She gave them the benefit of the doubt that maybe they did not have enough microwaves/ovens to heat up 2 sets of gratin at the same time.

However, when I was halfway through my meal, the other set of gratin still had not arrived. When I queried another waitress, we realised the new staff made a boo boo; she forgot to indicate that we wanted 2 sets of gratin. My friend's gratin came just as I was about to finish mine. The staff came over to apologize for her mistake and I really wanted to tease her by asking if there would be any complimentary drinks to compensate for the mistake. :D

2nd boo boo was made by the cashier, the total cost of our meal is $40+. Guess how much change we got back for a $50 note: the amount that we were suppose to pay. Being of the honest breed, we informed the cashier of the mistake in calculation, and got back the correct change another 5 mins later. I really could not control myself when I heard the waiter saying, "Thank you and see you again." I mean no, you are not going to see me again. Although my dining experience was not ruined, it was not as expected of an establishment such as TCC. So nope, you will not see me again. :D

Where is the Camaraderie?!

Stupid technician from the main pharmacy complaining that we send one of our patients over to collect vitamin E capsules, and she will raise this matter in the next outpatient meeting. What's the big deal here? We've only sent one patient over and only to collect one item. What about the times they just send pediatric patients to us even though they are not from our clinic? What is worse is they simply send the pediatric oncology patients to us, and we do not even keep oncology drugs. Pediatric oncology prescriptions are handled by cancer centre pharmacy. Eye-Dee-10-Tee.

And what about the times we processed cardiac medicine for the orthopedic patients? We are not suppose to be dispensing cardiac medicine for the orthopedic patients because our stock holding for cardiac drugs is only enough for the pediatric cardiac patients. Nevertheless, when we see that the patients only need one or two items for maybe a month we would just supply. We are not calculative nor do we go around advertising what we have done. Maybe we are stupid. Why do we even bother when others do not treat us as part of the department.

Past, Future

I know it is suppose to be past, present and future. Missed out the present on purpose since on any timeline, the present is always fleeting. The moment this second ends and the next second starts, the previous second becomes part of the past and next second from the future becomes the present.

What I am talking about is linked to Xenosaga 3. I have probably finished all the chapters when the characters were made to re-live what happened 15 yrs ago. For Shion Uzuki, it was important for her as this was a past that she subconsciously refused and hence not able to recall the events that occured when she was a child. Nevertheless, one fact she knew was the lost of her parents to war, and this presented an opportunity for her to interfere with the past to change the future.

When her elder bro, Jin Uzuki, told her not to, she became angry. She selfishly carried out her wishes without hearing her bro's refrain of how the past is necessary to make the person she is today. It made me wonder if there are people out there, not in the game world, who also desire to change the past. I think it is part of human aspect to have regrets for some things that we had done, and wanting to rectify the error or to make another decision. However, how many truly understand that the past IS necessary for the present. It is the past decisions that made us who we are today.

There are many possiblities in the present second, some may lead to the same future, or they may all lead to a different future, or they may all lead to the same future, but one thing is definite, we cannot re-live the past. Changing events or changing decisions in the past does not necessarily guarantee the desired outcome in the end. At least this is what I believe, because this world does not function on the principle of ceteris paribus. Only when all else can be made equal then can a future be determined with accuracy from a decision made in the present or past, else there will be too many factors interfering.

Hmm... to think that a PS2 game can provoke such thoughts.

Xenosaga Episode III: Also Sprach Zarathustra

This is the latest installment of the PS2 Xenosaga series. Can't exactly remember when I started playing Xenosaga I, but my brother and I have waited more than a yr for this final installment. Had to admit we were a little disappointed when we found out this is to be the last installment. When the game first started out, the plan was to have 6 installments. No explanation why it was reduced to 3, but my guess it is due to the departure of 2 main storywriters from the team, and trust me, Xenosaga is one game that has really good storyline along with strong development of the main characters.

Without the original storywriters, episode 3 is kind of messy to begin with. The game's plot is not a seamless followup from episode 2. There was a chronological lapse between episode 2 and 3 with important events not played out in the game. This kind of left me a little confused in the beginning. I thought I had forgotten about those important events, until my brother reminded me that there were no such characters nor such events in episode 2. This meant there were a lot of explanation to do, but the storywriters just get away with things by creating this thing called a "database" containing vital information about the characters, weapons and events of Xenosaga. Albeit if you want to know more, you got to spend some time reading the database.

Nevertheless, the 3rd installment is just as engaging as the previous 2. Currently I had finished chapter 5, and not sure how many chapters more to go. Anyway, one thing about the Xenosaga series is the cutscenes. Cutscenes are usually quite long with some lasting for about 15mins, and it is through these cutscenes that the story is slowly unravelled. Think I need more time to complete the game. I am trying as much as possible to play the game without the help of the official walkthrough that my brother bought. Not much fun if you already know what is going to happen.

Sixth Sense?

Wonder if my senior chanced upon my blog or he has sixth sense. Received an email from him today asking how things are and whether I have any problems etc etc, and also reminded me to give him the list of things I want from Japan. :D

Hmm... just when I was thinking of tendering before he returns.

上娶、下嫁

这是对今日《有话就说2》的话题的感想。以下纯粹是本人的看法，若想发表意见请自便。不过请不要患有狂想症以为自己是什么圣贤可以来改变我的想法。

上娶：指男性娶了学历比他高的女性。
下嫁：顾名思义，就是指女性嫁给学历比她低的男性。

话题当然就是围绕为何男人不上娶、女人不下嫁，为何受高深教育的女性看不上新加坡男人，为何新加坡男性宁可娶外籍女性。其实话题挺复杂的。老实说，现在女性对伴侣的要求已不同往日；尤其是受高深教育的女性。以前嘛，男人不嫖、不赌、不吸烟、不酗酒，有稳定的薪水就算是好男人。即使没有以上所有条件，有所提的3至4条也算不错啦。

都说是以前咯，现在这些已不是可有的条件而是必须有的基本条件。注：我用了“必须”和“基本”。现在的好男人就是要综合基本条件 + 个人的择偶条件。赚钱谋生对现代受高深教育的女性来说根本就不是什么大问题。可是如果男朋友本身的经济不稳定、不具备养家的条件那我不是在养小白脸。软趴趴的东西。关于嫖、赌、吸烟、酗酒更不用说；都是不良嗜好。又不是黑道中人，也不是在拍《新.上海滩》要这种不良嗜好来干嘛。

身为大学毕业生我是不原意下嫁，因为我最怕出现秀才遇见兵，有理说不清的情况。老实说，脑子不好的人，再怎么以勤补拙脑子终究还是不好。我老豆就是个好例子，本身就不是读书的料念到小学就没再继续念书了。谈社会话题时他多数会有偏激的想法根本就不懂得看整个局势。纵使我努力的解释他还是持有偏激的看法，根本就不会考虑从多种角度来分析。

再来就是新加坡男人有时太窝囊了。明明就喜欢对方可是却不敢表白。本身曾经就碰过这样的男人。刚开始时我对他的确是有好感而且也感受得到他对我的好感。曾经好几次让他有表白的机会他都打退堂鼓。事隔一年过后他才传简讯向我表白。太迟了！当时的好感已不在了；过了时机大家就当好朋友吧。

其实在经济无需依赖他人时，婚姻对我来说是可以慢慢来的。虽然就快不能用张清方的歌词：“我还年轻心情还不定...” 可是我就是很享受现在自由自在的生活。不必向任何人交待，没有感情上的牵绊。单身万岁！

Leave...

Not talking about the verb, talking about the noun. You know, the yearly 21-day entitlement you get for slogging your butts off. Problem is I am still trying to clear last year's, and I just received an email from the roster master saying due to manpower shortage we need to ballot for Nov's and Dec's leave.

The good: only those who had projected leave in Nov and Dec are allowed to ballot for leave, so that means I can ballot for leave.

The bad: we are only allowed to get max 1wk's leave, there are only 6wks for us to ballot (excluding the last 2 weeks of Dec which are absolutely no-no), and there are 8-10 of us balloting.

I hate working with this institution. I can never plan any overseas trip. Even my leave for the Jap trip was confirmed only one month before the planned departure, ditto for last year's Taiwan trip. It is difficult to take last minute leave, and I am not even talking about taking long leave; I am refering to those 1-2 days leave that you take just to have a breather.

I feel like doing something evil; tender without waiting for my senior to return.

Not Posting Anymore Hokkaido Pics

Decided not to post anymore pics from Hokkaido. I had actually finished composing "Sights of Hokkaido - Part 2" yesterday evening, but when I tried posting it, not only the post did not get through, I lost more than half of my post to cyberspace. Not going to waste my time anymore. (>_<)

Comments

Decided to stop moderating the comments. Too lazy to check all the time, and anyway, Carol feedback that she's having problems posting comments recently...

Sights of Hokkaido - Part 1

Haha... I know this is much (to the power of infinity) delayed, but I really did not have the heart to be posting my photos especially when I had so much difficulty uploading. Well, here's the continuation...


This was where we stayed the first night. It was the first time I slept in a tatami, then again it was the first time I had to sleep on the floor. Honestly speaking, it was really comfortable, and the pillows... they are filled with soft plastic tubes cut into small pieces. According to the tour guide, the reason for the unique filling was that the tubes indirectly provide massage to the head while sleeping. :D


Took a picture of the house opposite the first hotel. My colleague was commenting that the houses in Hokkaido look like they are taken out of story books. One thing I noticed: most of the houses that I saw in Hokkaido do not come with a fence. Does this mean the security there is really good? Anyway, the other is a picture of the largest chain of 24-hr convenience store in Japan: Lawson. I'm a regular customer of these 24-hr convenience stores while I was there; need my sweets, Pocky sticks and Qoo. Er... yah that was my colleague in the pic as well. I left her stranded on the other side of the road. :p


Okay, this is the scene opposite the place selling horse oil. Yah, I am not kidding. Horse oil. They make it into moisturisers and some other products which I was not really interested in because they are all too oily for my taste. Anyway, the reason for taking it was not because I find the scene fascinating. I was just testing out my camera's function to stitch the pictures together.



Okay... kind of tired when I get to these 4 pics because it took me a long time to load. Had to upload one by one... Anyway, there isn't really much to see at guan jian tai in summer, but this is where you can observe the red-crowned crane (tansho tsuru) during winter time hence the name guan jian tai. The pic next to it is the house of the granny who looks after guan jian tai. The 2 pics below shows the resting stop opposite guan jian tai.



Ainu village. It is part of the Akan National Park. What is really fascinating about his village is the sheer numbers of shops selling handicrafts. There are some which are commercial stores selling handicrafts that are available throughout Hokkaido, but most are run by the craftsman, and it is really amazing to see the variety in their works. If you had seen the trinket hanging on my phone it was bought in one of the shops. The concept was to carve something linked to another using only a single piece of wood. Mine was a dwarf-like figure swinging from a piece of leaf. I love it, and that design was only available in that shop. Last pic shows the arc at the entrance to the village.


Whiskey and Take-chan! Love this candid pic of Whiskey. No, I did not come up with funny names for the dogs, they really are called Whiskey and Take-chan. If you're wondering why they're scrunched up into a ball, it was really cold by the time it was evening. The temp had already dropped below 20 degrees C. By night time, it was 15 degrees C. Finally had to wear my windbreaker for the first and last time. Anyway, I found a good way to withstand the cold. Go to the onsen. Soak yourself in the onsen for 30-45 mins. I was able to walk around in the cold just wearing the yukata after that.


This is lake Akan. It is actually quite famous for the marimo that can be found in the lake. Marimo is a type of algae that can grow either into filamentous form or into a ball form. There are very few lakes in the world that can support the growth of marimo as this organism needs really clean waters. The Hokkaido people are quite crazy over marimo. They had all sorts of marimo-related products ranging from keychains, handphone trinkets, towels to toilet paper dispenser covers. (^_^!) During winter time, a thick layer of ice would form over lake Akan and there would be organised winter activities for visitors. Another good reason to go back to Hokkaido.



Lake Mashu aka the mysterious lake. Apparently, this lake is usually covered by a mist/fog and is not always visible. We were lucky to be able to see the lake. Again the bottom pic is a stitched photo such that I can have the whole Lake Mashu instead of cropped versions.



A mountain that is emitting sulphur oxide gas. The yellow things are sulphur deposits in case you have forgotten your chemistry. :D The lower left picture shows water boiling from the heat emitted from the mountain. Actually there is a stall at the foot of the mountain selling eggs "cooked" by the mountain.

To be continued...

Under the Tree

Ever wondered how it would be like to sit under a tree with the wind blowing gently in your face. Comfy chairs, coffee, and taking a drag from the cigarette (not that I smoke)... Sounds kind of airy fairy in Singapore's setting, but as my bus turned into the bus terminal today, I saw 2 bus drivers enjoying life under a tree next to the terminal. They most certainly know how to enjoy their break, but I guess the cool weather helped as well.

I cannot imagine myself sitting under any tree in Singapore enjoying a cup of tea, UNLESS it is a cloudy and windy day. Singapore is just too hot and humid for my taste. I missed the wonderful weather up in the mountains of Hokkaido.

Some Things Are Just Destined in Life

Saw the news headline on the death of a young cancer patient involved in a hit-and-run accident. Had a bad feeling that it was my patient who came in last Friday due to road traffic accident. Quickly smsed my technician in inpatient asking her if the patient passed away. When I received an affirmative answer, I really felt sad.

This child completed a successful bone marrow transplant slightly more than a year back. Just when life is starting to get back to normal, he met with a car accident. This reminds me of a phrase in Clamp's XXXHolic, and Cardcaptor Sakura: 这世界没有偶然，有的只是必然。Maybe things that we think are coincidence are not really coincidence but are destined in life.

我想逃避

我就是要逃避。逃避这繁忙的都市；逃避这烦人的工作；逃避这自以为是的社会。虽然知道逃避不能解决问题可是我就是想纵容自己。哎... 人生才几十年，偶尔纵容自己也不算过分。

Steve Irwin

Anybody who's moderately familiar with documentary shows on animals would have known Steve Irwin aka crocodile hunter. When my brother told me he was dead, the first thought was: how did he die? After reading the news on Yahoo!, the next thought was: why is this not unexpected.

I know it is not exactly right to be commenting on the dead, what with tons of people out there dishing out posthumous praises for the work he had done in nature conservation. What the heck, this is my blog so I get to say what I want to say. For some reason I had never really liked Irwin. I recalled the first time his documentary was shown on Central, there were a lot of hype. Out of curiosity, I watched one of his documentaries, and that was enough to convince me it is not my cup of tea. Pls do not be mistaken, I have nothing against documentaries. In fact, I always enjoy documentaries on wild cats.

Reason why I do not like his documentaries is the fact that he made it so commercialised by having dare-devil antics with the wild animals. This may be a marketing gimmick, but only the late Irwin would truly know why he did so in his documentaries. Maybe being humans made us think that our intelligence can help us decipher the workings of an animal; thinking we can understand them, or better yet that we can build a relationship that gives us superiority over them. Sad to say, Irwin paid with his life when a stingray did not give a damn to who he was.

复杂的心情

Was one of the speakers at a clinic assistant workshop yesterday, and I am really greatful to one of the doctors who chauffered me around. Maybe because he has been a doctor for ages, so he's seen many errors made in the healthcare industry. In regards to the dispensing error which occured in my section, he said something truly encouraging: it is the people who make errors that becomes better pharmacists or doctors; without the errors, we become too gungho.

When I heard that, it was a relief to me, but I when I wake up this morning I still feel the fear of making the same error as my colleague griping me. What is more, I always fear that some thing I do is not good enough, and it will compromise the optimal treatment of the patient.

Relief, fear and frustrations are having a big fight in me now, and sometimes I wonder if it is better for me to just throw in the towel. I need another break, albeit a much longer one than my Jap trip. Maybe I need to be out of this system, away from healthcare, away from dealing with the lives of people.